When I was in Indiana this past weekend, Carla/Yom and I were chatting when she told me that, while she's always viewed me as an upbeat person, I seem to have this happy glow about me right now. It was nice to hear, because I feel that way - I just didn't know other people noticed. "They" talk about how pregnant woman are glowy, how they have this special look about them. I'm never sure if it's just something people say to be nice or if there is truth to it. I can certainly attest to a feeling that is akin to a 'glow' within myself these days, though, and it's amazing.
It's hard to put into words, but what I told Carla was this: while I think I've always been (or tried to be) a "glass half full" type of person, when I met Mark, suddenly my glass felt completely full. Now that we are expecting our first child, my glass feels like it is honestly overflowing. It's, by far, the happiest time of my life. Sure, there has been a scare and some unknowing times these past four months, but those make the other times that much sweeter in retrospect.
As I mentioned in my first post, this is a ride I'm on (along with Mark, of course!), but I also don't have access to the steering wheel this time. My life is on autopilot and for the first time, I feel pretty O.K. with that. In the past, I would let my anxiety rule, preventing me from either getting things done to stave off the anxiety or keeping me from enjoying the journey I was on. This time, that's not an option - it's not just about me anymore. And that realization gives me a new kind of power...one that seems to be lighting me from inside out.