Dear Tate - One Year Later

My blue-eyed boy,

A year ago today, I took - and "passed" - one of the most important tests of my life. It was on this day that your daddy and I learned you were growing inside mama's belly and would soon be gracing and changing our lives forever. On that fateful day, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and whispered to myself, "Oh, my..." over the amazing news I had just learned. Now, 365 days later, I cannot even begin to count how many times since that I've done just the same as I stared at you in wonder, so grateful to have you here with us now.

(iPhone tracking app entry from that day)

I remarked in my first post about the ride we were about to embark upon. I wasn't sure what was ahead of us or what to expect during my pregnancy. What I can tell you with certainty is that the ride was even more amazing than I could have ever hoped or asked for. Turns out, it was the kind that had me smiling so big my face hurt, forging new smile lines that I am proud to see now when I look in the mirror at the so-in-love mama you've made me.

It's been four months and three days since you were born, and in that short time I've become a more calm, centered person because of you. I often used to wonder if I would be an anxious mom, but the truth is you bring me so much comfort that I find myself now being able to set aside my worries and fears to just BE for the first time in my life. As long as I have your addictive head and sour cream breath to sniff, all is right in the world.

You are learning and doing so much these days; I find myself so excited to see what you'll do next. You are belly-laughing and reaching for toys to stuff into your mouth. You watch TV with a studied focus (oops?) and press the buttons to make your bouncy seat piano play music for you over and over again. You are drooling with gusto - doc thinks you might be teething already! - and try so hard to perfect your army crawl during tummy time. And just today you finally really noticed your fur-sisters (who love you very much and find you literally delicious with their licking) for the first time -- you heard Lucy bark at the mailman and then couldn't keep your eyes off her and Molly for minutes after. It felt like such a big moment, the start to a beautiful relationship between a boy and his dogs.

I was feeding you this afternoon as you drifted off to sleep when I got a tickle in my throat and coughed. The noise and movement caused you to jerk awake, and in that moment before your silent-cry turned into a hurt wail of confusion, I felt my heart break in two. I immediately pulled you into a hug and rocked you back and forth, whispering "there, there's" as I reeled over how completely terrible it felt to unintentionally scare you in that way. You see, my little one, it is mama's job to make sure you feel safe and loved, and in that moment I vowed - once again - to always do my best to make sure that's the case.

My 8-year career recently ended and I now have the privilege of spending all my days with you. While I only get paid in coos and drool, I can think of no job that is more important than the one I am doing. When I look back on my life years from now, I know I'll never think to myself, "Gosh, I wish I'd gotten a new job instead of taking some time to devote to my boy..." and it was this thinking that made me confident that staying at home with you was the right decision for me, for now. Besides, I really, truly think you are going to change the world some day, Tate. For what it's worth, you've already changed mine in more ways than I can count. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Forever grateful,

Your Mama

Four Weeks, One Million Smiles

My beautiful boy turns four weeks old tonight. How has it already been four weeks?! And, more importantly, how has it ONLY been that long since I first saw his face, when it feels like I've known and loved him forever?...

Anniversary Weekend Rundown

As I mentioned, Mark has very little free time these days.  Being the dedicated man he is, though, he skipped a couple weekend meetings and spent a lot of time on the phone on the way to Petoskey, and was able to get away to celebrate our second wedding anniversary (despite making a whole lot of work to come back to for him).  He's the best!

We arrived to the Terrace Inn on Friday around 5pm and were greeted by the nice staff and the chef's CUTE dog, of which was hanging out in the back with no leash to keep her there.  I'd been thinking about how much I missed the girls, only to be able to instantly pet another pup!

We climbed the grandiose staircase to our queen whirlpool suite, unpacked, then went for a walk to check out the neighborhood:

We walked down to the beach (where, on Sunday, we hunted for - and found! - Petoskey Stones) and enjoyed the beautiful sky:

Later, we had dinner at the Inn's wonderful restaurant (oooooomg, it was so good), then rushed down to the shore to capture a few pictures of the amazing sunset before it nestled into the other side of the Earth for the night:

We even got a picture of the two of us, which is always hard to do when you're traveling alone:

The next day, we got up early, ate breakfast and went into town to shop for a bit before heading back to the Inn for our in-room massages (aaaaahhhh).  We walked past the most whimsical tree (which reminded me of the candlestick guy in 'Beauty and the Beast' and had me singing "Be Our Guest" for two days):

Then we bought a couple of presents for Chickpea - our first real purchases for the little one, besides some books I've been collecting over the years:

'Harper the Hippo'...could this be any cuter?!

This little pull toy was too much - I couldn't resist!

We went back to get our massages, then took a GLORIOUS nap before getting ready to go into town for a nice dinner.  Do you see a trend here?  Shop, eat, sleep.  Isn't that what trips away are all about, though?  LOVE.

The next day, we got up early, had breakfast, then headed to Traverse City and went to a couple of wineries so Mark could do some wine-tasting (we went here and here - the latter was the clear favorite, according to Mark):

It was my idea to go tasting, and while I was so happy Mark got to try some yummy wines, I'm not going to lie: it was a wee bit awkward being pregnant in that setting!  It was also quite hard to not take a sip or two (OK...so I did take a sip of one that we later bought a couple bottles of so I could enjoy it after Chickpea is here!).

We then drove into downtown T.C. and did some shopping after having a pizza lunch under the sun.  My favorite shop was the hat store!  I even got Mark to try a couple on...

And I totally ROCKED this Alice in Wonderland one, if I do say so myself:

Mark even put one on (but was a bit O-V-E-R the whole thing by this point; can you tell?):

Overall, it was a great weekend with my sweetie.  We talked and laughed so much.  On the way back, I was excited to get home to see Molly and Lucy, but also quite wistful that it meant I wouldn't have 24 hours a day to spend with Mark anymore.  He's just so fun to be with, and makes me grin in a way very few people or things can.  I can't wait to get away with him again, although I'm almost positive it won't be until after the baby is here.  What a year we have ahead of us!   

Table for Two at the Gratitude Café

Today Mark and I celebrate our two-year wedding anniversary.  Two years ago today, I couldn't stop smiling.  I didn't have a nervous quiver in my stomach to speak of, and people giggled at me every time I would hop up and down with excitement about what I was about to do.  It was my favorite day, because I was there to marry my amazing, perfect-for-me best friend.

I've gushed about Mark before and talked about how happy I am with the life I've been given.  And yet, I don't think there are enough words in the world to truly convey how blessed and content I feel to have Mark in my life, to be able to call him my husband.  Thankfully, I have the rest of my lifetime to figure out how to express it to him in a way that measures up to the happiness he brings to my heart.

Last year, I made a video for Mark to commemorate our first anniversary.  I thought I'd share it with those of you who might not have been with us on that wonderful day or who haven't seen it yet (and yes, I totally just cried while watching it again...):

   

Amy & Mark's 1st Wedding Anniversary Montage from Amy B on Vimeo.

There was a time when I wondered if I would ever find someone to love me the way I was able to love - I worried that I might be too old to have children once I did find him.  I used to listen to a song that spoke to me, hoping that someday it would come true for me.  IT DID.  Two years ago today, Mark and I danced as husband and wife to that very song...and the meaning took on a new understanding.  I truly am The Luckiest.

Two years later, I'm so honored to be carrying within me a unique, amazing product of our love.  Five months from now,  everyone will be able to see for themselves just how powerful that love really is.  Thank you, Mark, for helping to complete the scattered, unfinished puzzle that was my life.  You were the piece I'd been looking for - dreaming about all along.  What a beautiful picture we have made together; I can't wait to add color and depth to it with each year I'm blessed enough to have you standing by my side.

Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. And the actions which speak louder than the words. It is making the time when there is none. Coming through time after time after time, year after year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of; the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.  ~ Abraham Lincoln

Away We Go

I'm sitting in the comfort of my home in front of my own computer, waiting for my hard-working prince to come take me away for an anniversary weekend in Petoskey.  On Sunday, we will celebrate two years of loving and living as husband and wife.  It honestly feels like only six months have passed since we said, "I Do" - I'd say that's a good sign.

Stayed tuned for a schmoopy anniversary post (grab your barf buckets, boys and girls!) on Sunday.  In the meantime, I hope you have a happy, cozy, loved-filled weekend all your own. 

HUGS!

Four Years = A Lifetime of Difference

Four years ago today, Mark entered my world and rocked it in a way I never would have expected.  By the time he came into my life, I think I was finally at a place where I felt like I deserved someone like him, but I certainly didn’t believe I’d actually be able to find him.  However, if I would have put into words then what I thought I wanted in my 'forever person,' I certainly would have short-changed myself.  You see, I never would have thought to wish for a love so perfect and good.

In four years’ time, my life has become unrecognizable.  Not one thing today, aside from some family and friends, remains the same as it was the day my handsome, kind, blue-eyed husband walked into view and changed the way I look at the world.

 How cute is that? He was slightly mortified when I asked him to pose with this as we 

shopped for baby books, but he indulged me anyway. LOVE HIM!

I don’t have to tell you Mark is my favorite person – that’s a given.  I believe one can see that written all over my face when I look at him.  Truth is, I have the honor of being a wife to the best, most all-encompassing human being I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. I still find myself staring into space, wondering how I got so lucky, how in the world it ended up being me he chose to love for the rest of his life. Even when life isn’t perfect, I still have the knowledge that when I walk through the door of our home, there is a person waiting for me, willing and able to help me get through anything that may come.  I know it might sound cheesy to say, but I honestly DO think I have the best husband in the entire world.  Here are a few reasons why (grab your barf bucket now; I’m about to lay it on thick!):

• He is thoughtful and kind and has a selfless, unfaltering heart;
• he teases me in a loving way which has taught me how to laugh at myself;
• he’s a most ethical and moral person, yet he never judges me, even when I judge myself;
• he makes me feel safe…his hugs are a refuge;
• he makes me laugh, sometimes even when I’m crying;
• he is able to settle me down when I’m angry, without compromising the issue that made me upset in the first place;
• he’s the smartest person I’ve ever met and always knows something about something – without being arrogant;
• he is a great listener but also offers great advice;
• he’s a giver, not a taker;
• he takes such great care of me and our puppies and works exceedingly hard to provide a great life for us;
• he never falters in his support for me and our life together;
• he treats me as an equal, yet towers over me in every way in my own mind;
• BEST OF ALL: he somehow loves me just the way I am – and reminds me of this love and admiration in little ways every single day.

And now, four years later, I am 5 & a half weeks pregnant with our baby. Knowing this makes my heart feel as if it could burst.  I can think of nothing more sacred and amazing than bringing someone into this world that shares Mark’s genes, who will someday offer more of the good he brings to this life. I won’t lie – I still feel like it’s a dream, me being able to carry that gift within me for the next months and eventually bring it into the world.  I hope I never take any of these blessings for granted.  I couldn’t ask for much more, and for that, I’m beyond grateful.

Happy four-year ‘dating’ anniversary, Mark.  I love you…so much.