And So It Begins…

I slept in today, which is what anyone with a paid day off should do.  For some reason, though, the second I woke up I thought, “I’m going to take a pregnancy test today,” and that’s just what I did.  I wasn’t expecting positive results.  We’ve only been trying for two months, after all.  So when the test quickly presented two lines, I couldn’t believe it.  I stared at my face in the mirror and breathlessly said, “Oh my…” and happy tears promptly sprung to my eyes.

 Mark and I write messages to each other on our bathroom mirror; 
the heart with 'love' you see in the mirror is one of them.

At 33.5 years old, I’ve spent plenty of time wondering about the man I would someday marry and the baby I would someday carry, both of whom I’d love more than life itself.  When Mark – my soul mate – came into my life, I found myself daydreaming about what our baby would look like.  I hoped it would have his chin dimple, and envisioned blonde hair and laughing, blue eyes.  At the same time, though, I also internally worried a lot about how hard it might be for me to conceive.  Being a mother is something I’ve known I wanted to do for a very, very long time - and when you want something badly enough, it almost seems inevitable that it would be hard to come by…right?

So when I saw those two pink lines, I must admit I felt disbelief.  Sure, I was happy enough to yell out to my puppies, sitting there staring up at me, “Girls, you might have a little brother or sister soon!”  Still, I was just skeptical enough to run to the store and buy a two-pack of pregnancy tests and pee on a second stick in the bathroom of Meijer, too.  OH, YES I DID.  I had plans to have lunch with a friend in less than an hour and knew I couldn’t truly enjoy myself if I didn’t know the truth beforehand.  Once again, those two lines instantly leaped up at me and I did a happy dance right there in the stall.  I quickly drove to Baby Gap and bought a teensy, tiny onesie that said ‘I *heart* Daddy,’ then went to lunch, lying through my teeth to my friend about how baby-making was going.

Later that night, I rolled up the stick with the two pink lines into the onesie – tying it with a bow – and put it back into the Gap bag.  I did this so Mark would think it was a random present, since we occasionally pick up little prizes for each other during errands.  He was lying in bed, getting ready for sleep, when I sat down beside him and handed him the bag.  It felt slightly reminiscent of our engagement day, actually, when he woke me from a deep sleep early one morning with a sweet card, red rose, and shiny diamond ring in hand.  On that day, I had no idea my life was about to change so much.  And on this night, he had no idea his was about to change even more.  As I handed him the bag, he tested the weight and said, “This doesn’t seem very big!” It took everything in me not to say, “Oh, trust me, it’s BIG!”  He took out the onesie and untied the bow.  And then, suddenly, he looked very confused.  Silly me; why did I think he would know what a pregnancy test looked like?  After asking several jumbled questions such as, “What’s this?…Is it a…test? What…?,” his face broke out into a huge smile and he said, “Oh baby, this is SUCH great news!!”  And then he practically hugged the little – yet oh-so-big – onesie before cradling me in his arms.

Now I sit here wondering about the ride on which we are about to embark.  What kind of ride will it be?  Will it be like a roller-coaster, with its thrilling ups and scary downs?  Or will it be more like a lazy Sunday drive through the country during which time we slowly pass by farms and dream about someday having a house on twenty acres with baby ducks swimming in a pond?  Truth is, I love both prospects equally.  And I plan on enjoying this ride, no matter what is in store for us.

One thing is for certain: this baby is already immeasurably loved and desired.  I’m in awe over the fact that as I type this, I’m in the beginning stages of growing a one-of-a-kind person, a unique being that only Mark and I were able to create together.  And with that realization, my outlook and life has instantly changed.

I can’t wait to know you, precious little one.