Wednesday, March 17, 2010

"Dear Chickpea" - A Letter From Mama

Dear Chickpea,

You are only the size of a plum in my belly right now, and already I feel this strong urge to protect you, to make sure you are always taken care of, healthy, loved.  I can’t help but think about all the things I will one day hope to prevent you from having to endure.  So many things come to mind…

I never want you to be left standing, hoping someone will ask you to dance;

I don’t want you to have to defend yourself on the playground when a bully teases your name or what you’re wearing that day;

I never want you to be too hard on yourself to the point that you push yourself to perfection that only leads to inevitable failure;

I don’t want you to hide behind your books, worried that you aren’t liked enough…or smart enough;

I never want you to clap your hands over your ears to filter out any amount of screaming, or to ever bite your lip in fear;

I feel my heart break already, thinking about the day the person who has stolen your heart tells you they don’t love you the same way;

I don’t want you to have to pretend to be someone you aren’t in an attempt to gain friends that aren’t good for you;

I never want to see you sick or helpless…

My heart will want to prevent these – and so many other - things from happening to sweet, amazing you, but my head already knows that no matter how hard I try, life has a funny way of happening regardless of what I do.  I also know that a person grows and becomes who they are meant to be as much from experiencing the great things in life as they do from the sad, scary, or frustrating things that happen beyond their control.  Someday I will have to remind myself of that, must make it my mantra when I see you falter or cry.  But baby, don’t doubt for one second my love for you, my desire to want to take for myself all the future pain and sadness yet to come so you don’t ever have to witness it for yourself. 

I love you forever,



  1. Good god woman! Warn me to get tissues next time! ;)

  2. Seriously, what Bean said - that made me cry! And I think it's cute that you refer to yourself as Mama, because I've already decided I much prefer that to Mom or Mommy :)

  3. Ditto to the above! Crying in my cubicle, here! You.Are.Amazing.

  4. OK...I really need to have a kleenex box in my computer room...seriously!

    Reading the words to your unborn child, knowing they mimick my feelings for you and both are so dear to me! I hated the sad/bad times you needed to experience in order to make you the special people that God intended you to be. Your life, my dear precious child, will never be the same! Enjoy and cherish the ride as it all goes by so quickly.

    My heart is bursting with pride and joy!



Please leave a comment! It will be fun for Tate to look back on some day... :o)