You Know You're a Million Years Pregnant If...

I'm 37-weeks along today!  In pregnancy news, that means the baby is full-term and can come out anytime with little-to-no complications.  WOOT!  Given that this past week has been hot, muggy and very uncomfortable for me, I think it's time to revisit and add to my "You Know You're Pregnant If..." list to include third trimester or, in my case, late pregnancy, symptoms.  Get ready to feel sorry for pregnant women everywhere!

You know you're REALLY pregnant if...

• You suddenly become a spectacle that people can't help but either stare at or smile kindly toward.  Sometimes, if you're lucky, strangers will also find it necessary to tell you how HUGE you are or shoot a "Good luck with that!" your way.
• You find yourself a bit tired of giving random (yet well-meaning) people the lowdown about your baby status and contemplate making a t-shirt that says, "NO, I don't know what I'm having; YES, I know I'm giant; and NO, I have no idea when it's going to get here but I think you're safe and won't need to learn how to boil water anytime soon."
• Your baby wages a painful ribcage-match against you at least a few times a day and all you can do is yell "Uncle!" because, really?  You're never gonna win that one.
• It becomes necessary to employ a Sumo Stance in order to pick something up off the floor or dry your legs after a shower.
• You feel like yelling "Yabba Dabba DOOOOO!" every time you look down at your giant, swollen feet. Fred Flintstone, anyone?! 
• Your already-hated nose grows wider, but you barely care.  I mean, have you seen these FEET?!
• You are so, so tired due to the 4-6 (sometimes you see every hour on the clock - fun!) bathroom breaks and tossing & turning you do at night, yet you feel stupid complaining about it because pretty soon you'll have a little person yelling at you waaaaay more often than that.
• Back spasms become the new thing, but your cumbersome belly makes it awfully difficult to stretch the way you used to, leading you to use the wall and office chair in excitingly new ways.
• Speaking of difficult, it becomes nearly impossible to wipe your behind properly for some insane reason...this hardly seems fair, given the fact that "productive bathroom breaks" are few and far between these days as it IS... (hey - just being honest!).
• You begin referring to your stomach as The Crumb Catcher, because that's exactly what it is.  On the bright side, at least you have a snack for later! 
•  Despite being exhausted times a trillion, you can't sit still to save your life because in your little pea brain, all you can irrationally think is "THERE IS STILL SO MUCH I COULD BE DOING, OHMYGOD!"
• Your favorite past time (when you finally allow yourself to sit down and relax) becomes watching your baby perform Gumby-like feats in your stretched-to-the-limit belly.  That never gets old. Never.
• You stop reading the baby books and iPhone pregnancy applications as religiously as you once did because it seems so 'Old Hat' by now.
• You take an infant/child CPR class and suddenly consider yourself an expert on the subject due to that nifty little certification card they handed out following the 4-hour class and test that you SO TOTALLY ACED (and just so you know - the 30 compressions flanked by two light puffs/breaths should go to the beat of 'one and two and three and four'...See? EXPERT.).
• While putting your rings on in the morning, you say a little prayer; While taking them off at night, you swear and use half a thing of soap trying to pry them off your sausage fingers (mmm, sausage!).
• You begin to seriously wonder what exactly it's going to take to get the baby out of you - you've taken the birthing classes, read the books, asked for the brutally-honest war stories, and tried to visualize labor, but realistically you know that none of that truly prepares you for what is ahead.
• Daydreaming about what (and who) the baby will look like becomes somewhat of an obsession.
• You still maintain that all of this is SO WORTH IT because you are thisclose to meeting your new, little person.  How exciting is that?!

"Dear Chickpea" - A PLEA From Mama

Hello my baby,

I'm not going to point out the fact that it's 5am and I'm up because I can't sleep well these days (although - oops, I just did, didn't I?).  I figure that little pregnancy side-effect is just my body's way of preparing me for when you are here and beckoning to me every couple hours during the night. 

No, this time I wanted to ask a little favor.  First, I think it's important to tell you how much I've loved and enjoyed feeling you move within me all these months.  What I once referred to as your 'bomping' can now best be described as kicking, twisting and rolling.  I love watching my stomach take on new shapes as you test your boundaries, and giggle every time I see you hiccuping (you are doing this now as I type!) within.  These are the things I will miss most once you are finally sighing contentedly upon my chest.

But baby?  My sweet, precious little one?  I just don't think I'll miss your propensity to punch my ovaries and play on that one nerve like a guitar string, sending shocks up and down my nether regions.  No...that is one sensation I'll be just fine saying goodbye to.  As a matter of fact, if you want to do mama a solid now, I'll give you permission to start playing with the umbilical cord instead!

If you don't, though, please know I'm still enjoying having you in my belly more than anything I've ever experienced in my life - punched lady parts included.  You are my always-friend, the one who has for the past 8.5 months given me the gift of never feeling alone.  You've allowed me the luxury of daydreaming about the days when we will find ourselves romping about the world together, hand in hand, learning from each other every step of the way.  Oh, such fun we will have!  I already know any pain I've endured or will endure in the coming 6 weeks is worth it times one million and three.

Eternal love to you and your tiny, punching hands...

xoxo Mama

Bump Watch: 23 & 24 Weeks

Guess what, chicken butt?  I'm six months along now!  For some reason, being able to say '6 months' seem like we're so much closer to having a baby than even 5 and a half months did. When people would ask, "How far along are you?" and I responded with "5 months!" they would say, "Ahh, you have a long way to go..." Which, really? Isn't a very nice thing to say to a pregnant lady, letmetellya.  However, since I've been able to say SIX months, no one has said that to me.  Maybe I've just run into nicer people this week, but I can't help but think I've entered into more respectable preggers territory here.  ;o)

It's double-feature week, since I didn't get around to posting the 23-week bump pics for you.

WEEK 23:

I'm looking more and more...round, aren't I?

I'm not going to lie: I love what pregnancy has done to my body so far.  I am surprised to say this, but I couldn't be prouder of my belly right now.

  

Just ask Mark.  I lift my shirt up and say "BABY BELLY!!" at least once a day to him.  Wonder if that's getting old? I think it helps that I'm only up ten pounds so far.  Talk to me when I'm up 25...I might be a little more grumbly about it!

WEEK 24:

Yep...white definitely adds pounds. Still, this is one of my favorite maternity shirts.  It's soooo comfy!

Also comfy are my new gray All-Star Converse sneaks.  I once had a pair of turquoise high-top ones (this was when I was sporting a curly mullet, folks), so I've always had a soft spot for these shoes.  Now that I'm pregnant, I'm sort of o-v-e-r wearing high heals.  Flats forever!!

Oh, these girls.  They definitely like being part of whatever it is Mark and I are doing at any given time.  It will be interesting to see how they handle having a new baby around.

Check this out!  It's my new maternity pillow - a Snoogle (omg, best name ever!).  I've been having a tough time sleeping, so I figured it was worth a shot.  The pillow was delivered yesterday; I arrived home from work to see it laying on our bed and jumped!  Mark had apparently come home at lunch and opened it... Sure, it's not exactly scary, but do you see the SIZE OF THIS THING?!  Tell me you wouldn't jump, too, if you weren't expecting to see it!  Despite the fact that it pretty much takes up half the bed, though, I definitely like it so far.

 

Some of you mentioned being confused by my number system for these belly pictures.  Basically, I had a package of sticky letters/numbers sitting around (leftover from an overzealous wedding project idea that I never ended up doing) and figured I'd put them to use.  It was either this or yell at my computer every time I tried to electronically add numbers in Photoshop...no thanks!  ;o) 

Bump Watch: 22 Weeks

You guys, I'm getting HUGE!  And I have...four more months of growing to do.  Something tells me this is going to be a long, hot, uncomfortable summer.  Let's hope that when my uterus reaches its final destination, the baby is able to distribute evenly as opposed to going OUT even more.

Don't ask me what I'm doing here, because I don't know.  It sort of fits, though, doesn't it?  Looks like I'm thinking, "OMG, am I going to fit into ANYTHING by the time this is said and done?!"

Don't worry - no matter how big I get, I'll still act like a jackass.  See?

And I'll still be able to play with the puppers (I hope?!)...

Let's hope I continue to have smooth skin no matter how big I get (I think the awesome lotion and oil Jilly got me is working!)

I must admit this has been a rough week, health-wise.  I started feeling really dizzy and out of breath last Tuesday, and it's getting worse with each day along with excessive tiredness.  I went in for blood tests; hopefully they will just show that I'm anemic or something easily fixed.  In the meantime, I'm trying to rest as much as possible (which is hard to do since I've been getting up 3-4 times a night to go to the bathroom lately!) and feel thankful this is one of the only problems I've encountered so far in this pregnancy.  Up until now, I've had very little to complain about.  Imagine that! ;o)

*I wanted to point out the bird scrabble pendant I'm wearing - isn't it adorable?  Bean and I share a love of all things 'Bird' and she sent it to me out of the blue about 6 months ago.  Thanks again, Bean/Jill!  I love it and always get compliments when I wear it!  xoxo

You Know You're Pregnant If...

• You suddenly can’t read enough birth stories, and they all make you cry.
• Dropping a big shadoobie is now cause for celebration - as in, “I deserve a cupcake for every day that has passed since I was last able to go.”
• You take up drinking decaf coffee to moooove things along - and buy a new coffee maker (all hail the Kuerig!) just for this purpose.
• Your boobs go from small to big, or from big to “oh-my-god-I think-a rib-just-cracked” proportions.
• Your skin goes from oily to itchy & patchy, causing you to grab for your significant other's dry skin lotion for the first time ever.
• You go from being ‘hell on wheels’ to becoming a more conscientious driver, starting the day you find out you’re pregnant.
• You stop bemoaning another pound gained - and constantly "dieting" - and begin celebrating the weight you put on for the sake of the baby.
• You begin to think maternity pants are the answer to Thanksgiving dinners or PMS after you give birth…these things are GLORIOUS!
• You keep a plastic bag in your purse and car for impromptu upchucking sessions, having learned the hard way that not having one when you need it is not cool at all.
• You find that a toilet isn’t the only acceptable place to throw up – the kitchen sink is closer (God bless Clorox)!
• You start forgetting things and suddenly understand why your mom used to call you 'Oliver' after the dog instead of by your own name.
• You begin to wonder what happened to your stomach muscles - and blame the loss of them on the fact that you moan every time you stand up from the couch.
• You start having crazy-person dreams that make no sense and keep you thinking long after you've climbed out of your warm, cozy bed.
• You now salivate when you see icky things as opposed to the yummy things, and learn to take this as a warning.
• You go from having a sweet tooth to wanting to hurl upon seeing that delectable three-layer cake.
• You cry at the cheesy commercials that used to make you roll your eyes or laugh hysterically. 
• You find you have to remind yourself to stop sucking in your gut…it’s a hard habit to break!
• Watching the news becomes unbearable and scary, causing you to think, “Look at the crazy world I’m bringing this baby into!”
• Brushing the back of your tongue in the morning no longer just means good hygiene. It also means "Breakfast round one, coming right up!"  
• You become a more forgiving person, thinking “Aww, but that is someone’s son/daughter" as opposed to “That person could really use a boot in the arse.”
• You know where the bathroom is located in every establishment you've ever been in, because chances are, you've already had to use it.  Twice.
• You go from being embarrassed to pass gas in front of your significant other to ceremoniously lifting your left cheek and letting out a satisfied sigh.
• Conversation always seems to lead to bodily functions and you no longer feel bad about it or offer apologies. In other words, you become downright CLASSY.
• People start touching your stomach and you let them, when only a few weeks ago that would have been cause for a dirty glare and a “What is wrong with you?” comment.
• All of these crazy new things feel completely worth it…because you know that when this is said and done, you will have a precious baby to love and call your own.

If you think of any to add that you learned from your own pregnancy experience, please leave them in the comments section and I'll add them on.  Besides, I look at this list as a work in progress...I'm pretty sure this is only half of what I'll learn from this experience, since I DO have another 5 months to go. *God Help Me*

UPDATED to add a link to my late-pregnancy symptoms!!  Click here for more!

Hork and Windy

Soooooooo.  You know how I was whining back in the day about not feeling sick, because I was worried this meant things weren't progressing as they should?  WELL.  I made it through the entire first trimester without a lick of sickness, only to begin throwing up at 12.5 weeks.  How do ya like them apples?

Hmmm...apples - I don't think those would go well with stomach acid.

Over the past few days, I've been learning ways I can avoid the run to the toilet (although I had to make due with the kitchen sink one day...).  I absolutely CANNOT skip breakfast, and eating it in bed to allow for no movements seems to help.  Also, brushing my teeth presents new challenges, so I have to be careful not to brush my tongue too far back or else I lose the breakfast immediately.  I also learned the hard way that you should always have a spare plastic bag in your car (and purse!) so you don't have to drive to work with your window down on the expressway in 40 degree weather.  The strangest thing is that I pretty much have no warning.  I go from feeling fine to feeling nauseous, to throwing up in a matter of seconds, only to feel pretty much back to normal 5 minutes later.  I'm not complaining; I know it could be so much worse, but I do feel like someone could have warned me that this could come out of nowhere in the 2nd trimester!

Aside from that less-than-ideal symptom, I've been feeling really good.  SUPER gassy and constipated, but I can handle that.  The other night, I looked at Mark and said, "How can you handle how SEXY I am?!" after breaking wind.  He said it's a tough job, but someone has to do it.  He's such a peach.

P.S. If you get the reference in my title, you're my new best friend.  HEE!

Official

We had our first prenatal doctor yesterday morning, and it was really great to confirm that there is, in fact, a baby cooking in my belleh.  We met with the midwife, Sameerah, who was a totally calming and chill grandma with dreads down to her knees.  She had such a ‘mama bear’ quality to her; I instantly knew that when the time comes, she will totally fight for me and offer unwavering support, which is a great feeling.  She answered a lot of our questions and assured that I’m doing all the right things so far, such as my exercise routine, the supplements I’m taking, the foods I’m staying away from, etc.

Later, we entered the ’spelunking’ part of the visit.  Since I get laser hair removal done, I’m WAY past the point of feeling shy or embarrassed in these compromising situations (ahem).  Therefore, Mark and I decided he would stay in for this part, knowing he would be seeing a lot of me in this way soon enough.  He was so sweet, holding my hand and looking completely comfortable despite the fact that stirrups were being used as I sported THE HOTTEST front-tie sheet with my argyle knee-high socks.

One thing I thought was cool was when Sameerah announced that I have all the proper and healthy ‘blood vessels’ happening down there, which was just one more good sign.  It’s CRAZY how many things are happening to my body now that I don’t even know about – it just does what it needs to do without any help from me.  I love that I’m literally a baby factory while not having to put in much work at all.  The human body is simply amazing!

I’m 7 weeks and 1 day along today.   So far, I don’t have any “morning” sickness, nor do I feel super lethargic or dizzy.  I cannot believe my good fortune along these lines, as I always assumed I’d be praying to the Porcelain God day in and day out.  While it took some time for me to relinquish these preconceived notions, I’m beyond grateful to be spared so far.

Pregnancy Symptoms to Date:

• Boobies! Two words: OUCH and HALLO!
• Cravings! Know what you can’t do?  You can’t tell a pregnant woman she can’t eat what she craves. So far, my cravings include Mediterranean food, hot wings (both of which I’ve eaten a lot more of since I’ve become pregnant and even before I knew I was), and Mexican food.  I consumed the latter not once, but twice yesterday.  Two times: lunch at one place and dinner at another.  Told you it’s impossible to ignore!
• Thirsty! Each New Years Day, I always vow to drink more water and rarely ever stick with it past a month. Pregnancy has changed this, because I can’t get enough of the stuff!  Which leads me to…
• Excuse me, where I can find the bathroom? I have to pee about 20 times a day, including at least once during the night.  DANG.

Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.  Which I do, obviously.  I’m happy this experience has been enjoyable so far, but I’m not unrealistic enough to assume it will continue in this vein – just hopeful.  Because, really? ME NO LIKIE THROW UP, thankyouverymuch.