Just Breathe

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; You make me happy, when skies are gray; You'll never know dear, how much I love you; Please don't take my sunshine away...*

Lately I find myself having occasional visions of bad things that take me to a dark, fleeting place.  Like I will suddenly envision myself losing Chickpea late in pregnancy or having only a short while to spend with him/her before they are gone from our lives like a distant memory.  While I don't dwell on these morose thoughts, I must admit they cause me to pause and reflect a bit.

The reality is that jumping into 'parenthood' is by far the most simultaneously amazing yet terrifying thing a person could ever do.  My excitement far exceeds any fear - and always will, I hope - but when you think about it, a lot of blind faith must be employed during such a journey.  Mark and I have no control over what can, or will, happen, and when I allow myself to think about that too much, it's a little hard to breathe.  I already feel such a scary strong love for Chickpea; I know this love will only multiply times a million once s/he is here with us. 

The best thing I know how to do is enjoy and appreciate each moment as it comes.  This pregnancy has taught me that while things aren't always easy, they are often much more beautiful that way.  The twists, turns, and unknowns have a way of shaping a more wonderful story than one could have written on their own.  I have a feeling being a mom to Chickpea will be much the same way.

And so, my promise to myself as a mama is this: I will take things one day at a time, thank God for each day we are given, and never, ever take any of it for granted. No matter what may come, it will undoubtedly have been worth it.


*Growing up, my nickname was 'Sunshine' and my mom would sing this song to me.  It wasn't until much, much later in life that I realized how touching and somber the lyrics really are.  I guess you could say this song from my childhood perfectly reflects my feelings on the subject of this post. 

Lotion...it does a body good!

I came home from a crazy day of work only to be greeted by a thoughtful, unexpected present from my dear friend Jilly (I briefly mentioned her in this post)! If you ask me, the best kind of present is the kind you aren't expecting that you get for no reason at all. Lately, I've gotten a few of these because of this thing I'm doing...you know, growing a baby? And along with growing comes stretch marks! But Jilly wouldn't let those nasty things happen to me...

Because she treated me to some fancy belly oil and lotion!

And let me tell you, this stuff smells amazing.

Thank you so much, Jilly! You are such a sweetie to think about my future bikini needs. Er...just kidding - I think my bikini days are o-v-e-r.

While we're on the subject of lotion, let me share with you what's on our computer desk right now:

HEY, get your mind out of the gutter! Ohhh, don't try telling me you didn't just go there*!

Truth is, the reason there is lotion and a washcloth on our desk is because I spent the morning trying to record and upload Chickpea's heartbeat with the use of our new doppler.

It didn't go so well. I'm technologically inept. WOE IS ME.

I won't give up, though. Promise. You WILL hear that amazing heartbeat soon. But if any of you know how in the heck to record sound with a dual audio jack (using our Mac - which hates me), I'd greatly appreciate your input!

*Sorry for being a bit inappropriate, mom - you know I can't help myself. Hahaa...

PLUS, someone once told me I look like Gloria Estefan

I recently joked with a friend about how I wish my iPhone had an app that could record all of the thoughts that go through my crazy mind on a daily basis, so I could upload the ones I wanted to share.  I mean, it sure would make blogging and communicating a lot easier.  And then, last night as I was laying in bed desperately trying to fall asleep, a (really bad) song randomly popped into my head, followed by the following thoughts:

1-2-3-4, c'mon baby, say you love me/5-6-7 tiiimes/8-9-10-11, I'm just gonna keep on countiiiing...

No no no no no no! What the heck? WORST SONG EVER. Gah. Ok, clear your mind, Amy. 

*silence in head*

In a toooown, where I was boooorn, lived a maaan, who sailed the sea, and he tooold us of his life......we all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow sub...

STOP! What is wrong with you?  Seriously.

*silence in head*

Step out the front door like a ghost into a fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white/and in between the moon and you, the angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right/Rounnnnd here...

OK, this is good. I can handle this song. *sigh*

*silence in head*

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1-2-3-4, c'mon baby, say you love me...

ARRRRRGH!!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO GET TO SLEEP.

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YEAH.  

Note to the nerdy computer/science techs that may or may not be working on a mind-reading app: 

Do me a solid and stop what you're doing.  Just mooooove on, please.  Because really, no one needs to know that shit.