Staring Has Become My Favorite Past-time

About 15 times a day, I will look at Tate and get this sudden rush of happiness and think to myself, "I can't believe he's mine...I can't believe I made him and get to call him my son."  I wonder if I'll ever stop thinking that?  Something tells me it just gets better from here...

Four Weeks, One Million Smiles

My beautiful boy turns four weeks old tonight. How has it already been four weeks?! And, more importantly, how has it ONLY been that long since I first saw his face, when it feels like I've known and loved him forever?...

Baby Knows Best

I recently took a trip to Grand Rapids to see my mom and drove Mark's SUV there since I was lugging some big items with me.  On the drive in while listening to Mark's well-stocked iPod, a song came on that made Chickpea go NUTS with bomping.  I made a mental note to play it later, just to get to know it better.  On the way home I searched for the song and push played.  Once again, Chickpea went crazy the entire time the song was on.    

I finally had time to Google and read the lyrics on Sunday.  Mark asked me to read them out loud to him; in doing so, I became choked up and started to cry over how perfect this song is, considering it was Chickpea who called my attention to it:

All my little plans and schemes

Lost like some forgotten dreams

Seems that all I really was doing

Was waiting for you

Just like little girls and boys

Playing with their little toys

Seems like all they really were doing

Was waiting for love

Don't need to be alone

No need to be alone

It's real love

Yes, it's real love

Oh, it's real love

Yes, it's real love

From this moment on I know

Exactly where my life will go

Seems that all I really was doing

Was waiting for love...

Don't need to be afraid

No need to be afraid

It's real love

Yes, it's real love

Oh, it's real love

Yes, it's real love

Thought i'd been in love before

But in my heart I wanted more

Seems like all I really was doing

Was waiting for you

Don't need to be alone

No need to be alone

It's real love

Yes, it's real love

Oh, it's real love

Yes, it's real love...

The song is 'Real Love' sung by Regina Spektor, although it's actually a John Lennon original.  Check it out and tell me this isn't the most perfect song to add to my in-progress labor playlist*.  I'm in real love with it, to be sure.



*I'm looking for song suggestions to add to the playlist (cheekily titled 'Push It Real Good') that Mark and I will listen to at the hospital.  If you have ideas, please leave them in the comments section and I'll post the entire list once it's complete. Thanks!

Bomps: Eloquently Explained

Quickening

This baby moves inside me now
Sending messages at night-
Morse code
About life on the inside:
It is dark
But warm and quiet
With only muffled echoes softly pleading,
Wake up, little one.
I want to know you're in there,
Happy and safe.
Answers come again-
A sudden flutter-
Secret lyrics of song with no rhythm.
Played with hands and feet.

Someday I will hear the song again-
A high-pitched, quick and breathy humming.
I will teach her that she's been singing that old song forever,
And reach out for little splayed hands
That have long since held my heart.

By Yvette Benavides

Well Worth My Now-Puffy Eyes

As you can imagine, I can't feast my eyes on too many birth stories these days.  I'm not naive enough to think our own story won't be completely unique, and I realize we won't know how that story goes until life and time has written it for us.  Still, I find myself thirsty for the inspiration and knowledge during a time when all I can do is wait.  I'm always moved by these stories, no matter how they happen or end.  Today, however, I came across one that made me unabashedly sob at my desk in the middle of the day, made me love life and its beautiful twists and turns all the more than I already do.

I must warn you: this birth story is absolutely heart-wrenching.  For me, particularly, it brought back a lot of emotions of a time three and a half years ago when my precious nephew Gavin was born. My heart broke again while reading this, thinking of all the varying emotions my sweet sister went through that day and in the many months after.  Don't say I didn't warn you, but if you have tissues on the ready and want to go along for a very honest, emotional journey that will leave you feeling inspired after all is said and done, you should definitely go read this birth story.

An extra note: 
I feel the need to give my sister's situation some clarity.  She and my brother-in-law had far more to bear than just an unexpected surprise the day Gavin was born...there were severe health issues and scary "will he live?" questions to go along with the raw emotions.  And so, when I say my heart breaks reading this story, I guess what I really mean is that it actually soars...  Because our Gavin - against all odds - is with us today, by the grace of God.  And while I will never truly know what my sister went through during that experience, this birth story helped put at least a little of it into words for me.  (To my big sister, Alicia: you amaze me every single day...I hope you never forget that!!)