My 'Mark' in the World

Today is the day, 32 years ago, that fate was born and began to make its slow but eventual way to me.  Does that sound weird or selfish, to call the birth of my husband a day of fate for me?  Ah well...I can see it no other way, really.  The truth is, it wasn't until I met Mark that I completely came into my own as the person I am today.  In essence, his birth turned into my own renewal, one I am blessed to relive every day I am lucky enough to wake up by his safe, kind, loving side.

It's nearly impossible to explain how I truly feel about Mark (although I've tried) and I find it absolutely impossible to celebrate this day the way he deserves it to be celebrated.  Every year I feel at a loss as to how to show him my appreciation for all he does and is to me.  I'll ask him, "What do you want for your birthday?" and he always says, "Nothing!"  He means it, too.  Of course I never oblige - that would be wrong.  This year, however, I asked him again: "What do you want for your birthday, babe?" and he - not skipping a beat - said, "A BABY!"  I laughed and asked him if it was o.k. if I opened the gift for him this time.  He didn't think that was going to be a problem.

And so, for the first time in all the years we've known each other, I finally feel like I'm prepared to give Mark something (someone!) that encompasses all that our love is and means to me.  In a matter of days, a little person created solely by our admiration and dedication to one another will arrive into the world, giving us one more reason to redefine our love for each other with every day that passes.  I imagine our love will only grow, get stronger, and have more meaning than it ever did before.  My heart stands ready to stretch and beat to the rhythmic drum of this new awakening - a new fate, if you will.  I see this as the best day of the year; it brought to me the person who has made my life infinitely greater in ways I never expected but also vow to never take for granted.

Happy birthday, baby.  I love you...so much*.

*We both have '...so much' engraved into our wedding rings; thinking of the reason why always makes me smile.  

Today, I Want for Nothing

Back in my mid-twenties, I would have given anything to wake up in the morning and think, "I have no desires today; today I am happy with exactly who I am and what I have in this precious life." Which, coincidentally, is exactly what I woke up thinking today, on my 34th birthday. 

The thing is, all of the days I woke up wishing I had more or something different are the very reason why I can appreciate the amazing life I am living.  I should really thank all those tear-filled days and those times filled with unanswered prayers, huh?  Thank you, icky days and unknown times...because you happened, I am truly, finally able to see the beauty in the world around me.

I am married to my soul mate (the most amazing person) and just 9 weeks away from giving birth to a little person we created together...  I have an incredibly loving and supportive family that has always given me reason to believe the world was my oyster and I could do anything I put my mind to...  I have many wonderful friends who make me laugh and love me just the way I am...  I have two of the sweetest dogs on Earth that make frantic little 'CLICK CLICK' noises as they excitedly dance on the wood floors when I get home from work, who shower me with smiles & messy kisses....  And, uh, I have wood floors, which means I actually have a HOME, a safe, warm (and cool - YAY!) home...  I have a job to go to each day, one that is ending on the last day of this year, which will give me some of the much-needed time I crave to spend with our Chickpea, to take time to become the mom I have always dreamed of being... And, sure, I have a ton of material things that are pretty and useful, and I have the money - for now, anyway (if Chickpea is a girl, Lord help us!) - to spend on the things we need and want.

So, yeah.  I don't need a single thing.  A dear friend sent me a text message today that said, "Think of any kicks from Chickpea today as his/her way of saying, "Happy birthday mama, I love you!"  And it made me smile from here to there.  I'm loved, and kicked from the inside, and all is right in the world.