Like Wine I Can't Have, I Like to Think I Get Better with Age

As I come up on the halfway mark of this pregnancy, I can’t help but reflect on age and time. I’m not someone who has many regrets (really – we grow so much from those things we probably shouldn’t have done) and honestly wouldn’t change much about how my life has played out thus far. I’ll admit, though, that while I never thought I’d be a young mom, I also never thought I would be thirty-four by the time I gave birth to my first child. Not that I think 34 is old -- it’s just that in my early twenties, there was a time when I thought I was more ready for this big step than I did when I was in my late twenties and early thirties!

I look in the mirror and I see a slowly-deepening line spanning my forehead, a faint 'V' crease between my eyes, smile lines, and silver hairs that seem to multiply by the month. I look down at my hands and see the beginnings of thinning crepe paper skin, and can’t help but notice that I must now watch what I eat in order to not gain weight, despite not having a problem with this just 5 short years ago.

I could feel chagrined that these signs of aging are already being presented to me. Instead, I make myself see the beauty behind these unconventional gifts:

• The line across my forehead is from all those times I raised my eyebrows in wonderment during a heartfelt conversation with a friend, and for all the times I was greeted by a joyful surprise;

• The little creases between my eyes are from all those moments I spent deep in thought, studying the world around me – learning every step of the way;

• The smile lines signify all the times of laughter, all the plentiful reasons I’ve had to smile in my lifetime;

• The silver hairs – the same color as the hair both my sweet grandmothers had that I used to lovingly touch and call beautiful – are a symbol of the overflowing wisdom I’ve gained from real life and from those who loved me enough to teach me;

• The less-than-smooth hands indicate a life of hard work, of cleaning and caring and living and washing away the dirt of life that I didn't let beat me down;

• The extra weight on my hips is from the food I’m blessed enough to have plenty of, consumed during the many celebrations I’ve been a part of that included cake and champagne, hugs and cheers.

When I allow myself to reflect positively on the physical changes that are happening to me, I feel proud. It is all of these visible markings that have ripened my soul enough to give me the life experience I need to be able to someday pass it on to Chickpea, to show him/her the beauty and ways of this world s/he is about to enter into. There isn’t anything I would change – not the lines or the extra pounds; they were earned and will serve me well as I go from being a lady to becoming a mother.

These are the gifts I’ve been given and I will continue to graciously accept them with each year I’m blessed enough to be on this Earth.